Thank you, Bernie.

     To say it's been a long week since this past Friday may be an understatement.  The last blog post I wrote had been about a few people taken from us way too soon in their lives.   A week later, we lost another dear friend of mine, Bernie Augier.  I mentioned in the last post how sometimes I don't deal with death all that great, and this time is not really any different.  But, are we really supposed to deal with losing someone well?  Everyone grieves differently.  Right now, I'm not even sure what to process.

     When my friend Phil passed away last September, I didn't really grieve as much as I probably should have.  Knowing how close Bonnie was to Phil, I stayed as strong as I could.  I wanted to keep up that front so that if she needed a an extra shoulder to cry on or friend to lean on, I could fulfill that role.  I would do the same for everyone else that knew Phil.  Most knew him way better than I did, and even though I worked with him for a few years and we all hung out time and again, I still felt I needed to be the strong one.  I've been that way since I was a kid, when my dad's mother passed away.

Bernie custom made the trophies for Wheels,
Wings, and Wishes.  All made from car parts.  The kids pick
their favorite cars.

     When my grandma had passed, I cried the first time I went to the funeral home.  These were new emotions for me and I did not like them at all.  Everyone cried, including my dad.  My dad was the strongest person I knew so if he was hurting, I wanted to be strong for him.  I mean, I was 14 and a grown up now.  So, anytime tears would well up in my face I would bite my cheeks until they stopped.  My dad needed me.  He'd always been strong for me so I had to be strong for him. Years late when my mother's parents had passed away, I did the same.  I did that when Phil passed away. As soon as that feeling crept up on me, it was time to bike my cheeks so I wouldn't cry.  I kept doing it on Friday when Bernie passed away, but this time I was failing miserably.

     I worked from home that morning waiting for a plumber to never show and fix our problem from the night before.  It was Thursday afternoon that Bryan had texted all of us to let us know that Bernie had been rushed to the hospital, and that things for him we not looking too good.  Things did not improve on Friday, and Bryan suggested we all stop at the hospital for a visit.  When Edyta came home from work we headed straight UPMC Presby.

DJ, Bernie, and Bryan.  This picture cracked me up.

     When we got to his room, all Bernie's friends and family where there.  When I saw the looks on everyone's faces the reality of the situation began to set in.  Bernie was on a morphine drip which they had increased over time to ease his pain, and he was still on a breathing tube.  His best friends growing up - DJ, Chuck, and Kevin - were all there (even their spouses and children.)  Bernie's parents were there as was Bryan.  And now, Edyta and myself.  Everyone was talking with Bernie to let him know we loved him and were right there should he need us.  They let him know that everything would be OK.  His mom and dad told him that pretty soon he would be able to breath again without his tank, and he'd be able to run and do everything he once was able to do.  His eyes were open at times and I know he saw all of us in that room.  I know he saw all the love on each and every one of our faces.  When he reached up  couple of times to scratch his chin, I thought maybe he was going to flip us all off and say, "ha ha...I'm just kidding.  You're all being punked! You should see your faces!"  He would do that, too.  But...that was not the case.

     When the nurses removed the morphine drip, my only thought was to ask Edyta why they did that.  After she answered, I looked at her and asked if that meant Bernie was going to die.  She's a nurse. She knows these things.  I don't,.  She told me yes.  My chest tightened up because I didn't want to hear that.  I was not ready for this.  None of us were!  I wanted to leave the room but couldn't.   All I could do was bite my cheeks so that I wouldn't cry.  It hurt.  I didn't care.  Everyone else was already crying.  I had to be their rock. It's what I do.  I had to do it for them, for Bernie's mom, and his dad.  Anything that formed in the corner or my eyes I wiped away as quickly as I could.  His breathing mask was soon removed and a short time later....Bernie was gone.  Our friend was longer with us.


     On the way home, Edyta told me a story I did not know.  When she finally got to meet Bernie shortly after we began dating, he of course sent her a friend request on Facebook.  I remember him telling me I found a good one and she was perfect for me.  He then sent her a message on Facebook Messenger as well.  What he said she had never mentioned before, and it really sums up how much he cared about other people.  She told me Bernie had said to her, "I'm so happy that Chuck had found you.  I have never seen him smile like that or ever saw him this happy.   Take care of him for me, OK?"  Man, that guy...

     The next morning I set out to the city to run.  I had 12 miles on my training program, but I didn't feel like running.  I didn't want to run.  But, Bernie would call me a few choice words so off I went.  For 12 long miles, I thought about the night before.  I thought about all the fun we had had in our late 20s and early 30s.  I thought about the years we all had grown apart and had moved in different directions of our lives.  I thought about how we had all grown back together.  But with each step I was exhausted.  Emotionally.  Physically.  Mentally.  But, I was almost done and then I could go home.

     I had less than a mile to go and the Rocky theme came on my playlist.  I chuckled to myself knowing how tired I was and in my head I said, "Bernie you're a jerk.  You did this, didn't you?  ******e."  I took off running faster and faster.  With each step I took, the lump forming in my throat got larger and my eyes began to water.  I was getting more emotional with the thought that Bernie would no longer be with us.  That thought made me run angry.  I was now mad.  I was really, really mad.  Before I knew it, my watch beeped and the song ended right there.  So did I.  I lost it.  I was in front of my car, hunched over and balling my eyes out.  I just lost another one of my friends, and one I've know for almost 20 years.   It sucked and  I hated it!

Gateway Clipper, Clark's concert for
St. Patrick's Day.

     As soon as I realized someone was in the car next to mine, I composed myself and started to return home.  My mind then shifted to all of the good things and the good memories I had of our friendship.  Our trip the Charlotte for race weekend where Bernie shaved my head into a mo-hawk (another story for another time.)  Our trip to Orlando where Bernie rented this awesome beach buggy that he drove around like a little kid.   Thoughts of how stupid we were to ride a snow board down the steps of the ABC house, where Bernie had completely destroyed his ankle.  (My idea.  My fault.)  There was the time I wore a dress to a Penguins game for charity, a pink one because he requested it as part of his donation.  That day was the first time I had seen Bernie in about 5 or 6 years.   Two years after that, Bernie and the rest of us were working to make money to grant wishes to kids that needed a smile or two.  Just about every memory I had filled my head.  I thought about everything that actually mattered, and nothing about what didn't.  The rest of the week, including yesterday, I continued to run angry.  It felt good, but it still hurts.

     Bernie was a great guy, he really was.  He would do anything for anyone.  He would give me the business like all true friends do.  He made people laugh.  He made people smile.  He made our lives better for having known him.  I could go on and on, and tell stories that people have, but some of those stories are not mine to tell.  Most of these stories will be told tomorrow, at his wake.  Some of us may cry, but all of us will laugh and smile.  Some of us will do shots, and some of us will share a beer.  We'll raise our glasses and toast Bernie.  This is what he would have wanted.  Seriously Bernie would kick our behinds if he saw us crying.  Bernie, you already know we will, but you'll still kick our behinds anyway.

Bernie, Bryan, and Mike

     I'm sure you're up there reading this, and I want you to know something.   I love you, man.  I am glad to have met you all those years ago.  I am glad to have been able to take a vacation or two with you and the gang.I was honored to have been able to DJ your wedding (and I'm sorry it didn't work out.)  I'm more than honored to be able to call you my friend.  I wish everyone I knew had been able to meet you.

     Even though you're gone please know that our mission with Wheels, Wings, and Wishes will not stop.  Please know that my mission with the Mario Lemieux Foundation will not stop.  We'll find a way to keep granting wishes,  and I'll find a way to raise as much money as I can for cancer research in the hopes to find a cure.  We didn't lose you to cancer.  You are a champ and you told it to where it could go.  It was the treatments you receive that took the most toll on your body.  If what we do, and what I am doing can make it so that no one has to ever endure any of that again, we will.   We won't stop.  We won't ever stop.  You didn't.

   One last thing I wanted to say, if you're still reading this, is thank you.  Thank you, Bernie.  Thank you for being who you are and who you were when you were with us.  Thank you for being a good son, a good brother, and a good friend.  Thank you for enriching all of our lives.  And, even though you're not sure how it works, thank you for watching over all of us as you said you would.  We love you and we miss you.  We will never forget you.  You are a part of us, forever.

And with that, keep on running Pittsburgh.  Don't run for just you.  Run for everyone you hold dear.

Sinceriously,

Chuck Hull, The Running Jedi.

I remember how ridiculous I looked,
and Bernie made sure to remind me.

Don't forget, if you'd like to donate to the Mario Lemieux Foundation you can do so by clicking here:

https://www.crowdrise.com/o/en/campaign/mario-lemieux-foundation-pittsburgh-marathon-2019/chuckhull

Prizes:  If $2500 raised, a signed Pittsburgh Penguins Jersey (either 66, 87, 59, or 30), A Garmin Forerunner 35 GPS Watch, A MLF T-shirt and window decal, GOODR sunglasses, a Brooks running hate, and a Honey Stinger Prize Pack.

Me, Bernie, Bryan

The infamous ABC House

99.7 Wish FM Radio-thon for Make A Wish, Year 2 for us.

Brandi And Bernie, WWW Year 3

Bernie and his childhood friend Chuck

Steve Brooks and Bernie

M

Every Single Step, Every Single Mile

     Well, here we are.  2019 has started and we are already in the month of February.  Does time fly by that fast the older we get, or does it only seem that way?  I turned 46 years old a couple days ago.  How in the world am I already 46?  I know most will say that I'm not really old, and if I'm honest I never really feel my age anyway.  When I say most days I still feel like a kid, I really do.  Heck, when Edyta was prepping dinner that day, I was sitting at the table putting together Star Wars Legos.  Legos that I bought for myself.  On Friday.  For my Birthday.  I'd be lying if I said that wasn't fun.

     To say the past six months have been great for everyone would be completely false.  There have been some really good times, such as my engagement, but there have also been some bad times.  It's these times that have plagued my thoughts lately while I run.  All of us live each day in stride.  We get up, shower, and go to work.  When we get home, we may run, eat dinner, and spend time with our families.  We worked hard, so we get to do the things that we enjoy the most.  But for some, that can no longer happen.  Sadly, it was not by choice.

     We all know what happened this past October at the Tree Of Life Synagogue.  11 people had their lives tragically taken from them.  They didn't ask for that to happen.  No one did.  Yet, even in a world where we have supposedly evolved into something better, there are still those that feel the way they do, and commit a crime so heinous that all we do is ask why or how could this happen?  These are questions that none of us are able to answer, and perhaps never will.  We hear about these horrible situations almost daily, to which I wonder if it's always been this way.  We live in a world of 24 hour news, and social media.  Growing up, we had some 24 hour news, but that was about it.  Maybe I didn't pay too much attention as a kid. I don't know.  All I do know is that when this happened, it hurt all of us very deeply.  It hit...home.  It fills our hearts with unbearable pain.  We feel sadness for those affected, and we cry beside them.  It doesn't matter if we knew these folks or not.  What we do know is that these 11 victims were someone's friends, and someone's family.  They were from Pittsburgh so that also made them our family.  We've heard countless stories of  all these truly inspiring and wonderful people.  To have them taken from us is just simply unfair.

RIP Rich "Dobe" Holst

     Roll around to the holiday season, and a friend of mine, Mark "Q" Holst, had lost his older brother and best friend, Rich (a.k.a Dobe.)  I didn't know Rich as well as most people, but again I knew of him, and I had the pleasure of being able to hang out with him from time to time at the local pubs years ago when we were all hitting up Moon Township having a good time.  Even in the later years of our lives, he was still doing what he did best and that was making people laugh and smile.  Everyone will be able to continue to do that, but they will do it without him.  However, because Rich was the guy he was, they'll be able to laugh and smile at all the memories they have of him.

     The day after Rich's memorial service, my friend Erica had lost her brother Chris.  Chris has passed away due to injuries suffered from a car accident on his way home from work.  Erica and I never hung out while in high school, but we became friends after I returned home from the Navy.  I hadn't seen her in quite some time, so when I heard about what happened, my heart ached for her.  I also felt ashamed because I did not realize she had a brother.  Maybe perhaps because he was so many years older than us, that at the time we were always hanging out, it was not something that we really talked about.  I don't really know.  But, what I do know is she lost her brother, someone who helped her growing up, protected her, and help guide her in becoming the woman she is today.  Again, it's not fair to have someone so young taken from his family so soon.  He was adored by many; he was loved by his wife.  He was his daughter's best friend.  Just...unfair.

     I rewind to even before October, a month earlier in fact, and a friend of ours had gone missing.  He was found a few days later, and we learned that he had passed away in his sleep after suffering a heart attack.  This was a gentleman whom I worked with down at the Boardwalk and The Matrix while I was a DJ.  He was a hell of a bartender, and a downright cool dude.  Phil Tallentire was one of my best friends' best friend.  He and Bonnie had known each other since she was about 19, slinging drinks at Donzies.  He lived a quit life, and again, would always bring a smile to everyone's face.  43 was simply too young to pass.  He wasn't ready to go, and yet...he's gone.  But, he's not gone from our memories, and that surely counts for something.

Phil Tallentire and I, back in 2010.

     I'm not trying to bring anyone down with this blog post, just so everyone is aware.  It's just that on my weekly runs, when I'm flying solo throughout Crafton my mind wanders at lot.  But with everything that has seemed to happen around us the past six months, it seems my mind has wandered to sadness, and that's OK.  After a few moments, my mind will then begin wander to happiness as I think about the good times, and the good memories that I have, that everyone has.  This is what keeps me going.

     I made it to my 46th birthday.  I don't know how, but I'm thankful.  Unfortunately, all of those above won't get to see their next birthday, but that doesn't mean that we can't honor them when theirs comes around.  We can, and we should.  We should celebrate them and what they meant to us because what is life but a celebration?  Sure it may have moments that get us down, but the moments that bring us up far outweigh anything else.  I truly believe that.

Ready to rock at Motley Crue!

     I enjoy running.  I really do.  It's not a chore for me at all.  It's not just a habit that I have, nor a routine.  It's something I simply love to do (just as much as playing with Star Wars Legos.)  But it means so much more to me, and I love it even more when I can pay tribute to those that are no longer with us.  If we get lost along the way, they'll still be there in our hearts, and without a doubt they'll help put us back on the right path to the finish.  When I decided to run my first marathon, coming up with the hashtag "26 miles, 26 dedications" is something that I thought maybe would take on a life of it's own.  Maybe someone reading my blogs would do the same thing.  After all, doesn't our run mean more when we and pay tribute to someone, even if they are a stranger to us?  They may be a stranger to us, but they were so much more to someone else.

     So I say to Phil, to Dobe and Chris, and to the 11 strangers taken from us at the Tree Of Life Synagogue: if you're all up there looking down on us from the heavens, if you're all listening to us, please do us a favor.  Please watch over us and guides us through this city, the greatest city on the planet.  Pittsburgh - The City Of Champions.  We've all made it through January, and February is just getting started.  If one of us stumbles, will you be the angel that doesn't let us fall?  If  you will we promise you that we will honor you all, all the way to the finish.  Every single step.  Every single mile.  Thank you, and god bless you.  SheElohim yevarach otcha/otach.

Sinceriously,

Chuck Hull, The Running Jedi


PS:  If you'd like to donate to the Mario Lemieux Foundation, you can do so by clicking the link here:

https://www.crowdrise.com/o/en/campaign/mario-lemieux-foundation-pittsburgh-marathon-2019/chuckhull

Remember: if we hit $2500 raised (the goal) not only will one of you win a signed Pens Jersey from me, but I will also run the marathon in a dress.  Yup, you read that correctly.

Also: NEW RAFFLE PRIZE!!! A Garmin Forerunner 35!  One lucky person will win a Garmin Forerunner 35 from me!

Thank you folks!