Thank you, Bernie.

To say it's been a long week since this past Friday may be an understatement. The last blog post I wrote had been about a few people taken from us way too soon in their lives. A week later, we lost another dear friend of mine, Bernie Augier. I mentioned in the last post how sometimes I don't deal with death all that great, and this time is not really any different. But, are we really supposed to deal with losing someone well? Everyone grieves differently. Right now, I'm not even sure what to process.

When my friend Phil passed away last September, I didn't really grieve as much as I probably should have. Knowing how close Bonnie was to Phil, I stayed as strong as I could. I wanted to keep up that front so that if she needed a an extra shoulder to cry on or friend to lean on, I could fulfill that role. I would do the same for everyone else that knew Phil. Most knew him way better than I did, and even though I worked with him for a few years and we all hung out time and again, I still felt I needed to be the strong one. I've been that way since I was a kid, when my dad's mother passed away.

Bernie custom made the trophies for Wheels,
Wings, and Wishes. All made from car parts. The kids pick
their favorite cars.

When my grandma had passed, I cried the first time I went to the funeral home. These were new emotions for me and I did not like them at all. Everyone cried, including my dad. My dad was the strongest person I knew so if he was hurting, I wanted to be strong for him. I mean, I was 14 and a grown up now. So, anytime tears would well up in my face I would bite my cheeks until they stopped. My dad needed me. He'd always been strong for me so I had to be strong for him. Years late when my mother's parents had passed away, I did the same. I did that when Phil passed away. As soon as that feeling crept up on me, it was time to bike my cheeks so I wouldn't cry. I kept doing it on Friday when Bernie passed away, but this time I was failing miserably.

I worked from home that morning waiting for a plumber to never show and fix our problem from the night before. It was Thursday afternoon that Bryan had texted all of us to let us know that Bernie had been rushed to the hospital, and that things for him we not looking too good. Things did not improve on Friday, and Bryan suggested we all stop at the hospital for a visit. When Edyta came home from work we headed straight UPMC Presby.

DJ, Bernie, and Bryan. This picture cracked me up.

When we got to his room, all Bernie's friends and family where there. When I saw the looks on everyone's faces the reality of the situation began to set in. Bernie was on a morphine drip which they had increased over time to ease his pain, and he was still on a breathing tube. His best friends growing up - DJ, Chuck, and Kevin - were all there (even their spouses and children.) Bernie's parents were there as was Bryan. And now, Edyta and myself. Everyone was talking with Bernie to let him know we loved him and were right there should he need us. They let him know that everything would be OK. His mom and dad told him that pretty soon he would be able to breath again without his tank, and he'd be able to run and do everything he once was able to do. His eyes were open at times and I know he saw all of us in that room. I know he saw all the love on each and every one of our faces. When he reached up couple of times to scratch his chin, I thought maybe he was going to flip us all off and say, "ha ha...I'm just kidding. You're all being punked! You should see your faces!" He would do that, too. But...that was not the case.

When the nurses removed the morphine drip, my only thought was to ask Edyta why they did that. After she answered, I looked at her and asked if that meant Bernie was going to die. She's a nurse. She knows these things. I don't,. She told me yes. My chest tightened up because I didn't want to hear that. I was not ready for this. None of us were! I wanted to leave the room but couldn't. All I could do was bite my cheeks so that I wouldn't cry. It hurt. I didn't care. Everyone else was already crying. I had to be their rock. It's what I do. I had to do it for them, for Bernie's mom, and his dad. Anything that formed in the corner or my eyes I wiped away as quickly as I could. His breathing mask was soon removed and a short time later....Bernie was gone. Our friend was longer with us.

On the way home, Edyta told me a story I did not know. When she finally got to meet Bernie shortly after we began dating, he of course sent her a friend request on Facebook. I remember him telling me I found a good one and she was perfect for me. He then sent her a message on Facebook Messenger as well. What he said she had never mentioned before, and it really sums up how much he cared about other people. She told me Bernie had said to her, "I'm so happy that Chuck had found you. I have never seen him smile like that or ever saw him this happy. Take care of him for me, OK?" Man, that guy...

The next morning I set out to the city to run. I had 12 miles on my training program, but I didn't feel like running. I didn't want to run. But, Bernie would call me a few choice words so off I went. For 12 long miles, I thought about the night before. I thought about all the fun we had had in our late 20s and early 30s. I thought about the years we all had grown apart and had moved in different directions of our lives. I thought about how we had all grown back together. But with each step I was exhausted. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. But, I was almost done and then I could go home.

I had less than a mile to go and the Rocky theme came on my playlist. I chuckled to myself knowing how tired I was and in my head I said, "Bernie you're a jerk. You did this, didn't you? ******e." I took off running faster and faster. With each step I took, the lump forming in my throat got larger and my eyes began to water. I was getting more emotional with the thought that Bernie would no longer be with us. That thought made me run angry. I was now mad. I was really, really mad. Before I knew it, my watch beeped and the song ended right there. So did I. I lost it. I was in front of my car, hunched over and balling my eyes out. I just lost another one of my friends, and one I've know for almost 20 years. It sucked and I hated it!

Gateway Clipper, Clark's concert for
St. Patrick's Day.

As soon as I realized someone was in the car next to mine, I composed myself and started to return home. My mind then shifted to all of the good things and the good memories I had of our friendship. Our trip the Charlotte for race weekend where Bernie shaved my head into a mo-hawk (another story for another time.) Our trip to Orlando where Bernie rented this awesome beach buggy that he drove around like a little kid. Thoughts of how stupid we were to ride a snow board down the steps of the ABC house, where Bernie had completely destroyed his ankle. (My idea. My fault.) There was the time I wore a dress to a Penguins game for charity, a pink one because he requested it as part of his donation. That day was the first time I had seen Bernie in about 5 or 6 years. Two years after that, Bernie and the rest of us were working to make money to grant wishes to kids that needed a smile or two. Just about every memory I had filled my head. I thought about everything that actually mattered, and nothing about what didn't. The rest of the week, including yesterday, I continued to run angry. It felt good, but it still hurts.

Bernie was a great guy, he really was. He would do anything for anyone. He would give me the business like all true friends do. He made people laugh. He made people smile. He made our lives better for having known him. I could go on and on, and tell stories that people have, but some of those stories are not mine to tell. Most of these stories will be told tomorrow, at his wake. Some of us may cry, but all of us will laugh and smile. Some of us will do shots, and some of us will share a beer. We'll raise our glasses and toast Bernie. This is what he would have wanted. Seriously Bernie would kick our behinds if he saw us crying. Bernie, you already know we will, but you'll still kick our behinds anyway.

Bernie, Bryan, and Mike

I'm sure you're up there reading this, and I want you to know something. I love you, man. I am glad to have met you all those years ago. I am glad to have been able to take a vacation or two with you and the gang.I was honored to have been able to DJ your wedding (and I'm sorry it didn't work out.) I'm more than honored to be able to call you my friend. I wish everyone I knew had been able to meet you.

Even though you're gone please know that our mission with Wheels, Wings, and Wishes will not stop. Please know that my mission with the Mario Lemieux Foundation will not stop. We'll find a way to keep granting wishes, and I'll find a way to raise as much money as I can for cancer research in the hopes to find a cure. We didn't lose you to cancer. You are a champ and you told it to where it could go. It was the treatments you receive that took the most toll on your body. If what we do, and what I am doing can make it so that no one has to ever endure any of that again, we will. We won't stop. We won't ever stop. You didn't.

One last thing I wanted to say, if you're still reading this, is thank you. Thank you, Bernie. Thank you for being who you are and who you were when you were with us. Thank you for being a good son, a good brother, and a good friend. Thank you for enriching all of our lives. And, even though you're not sure how it works, thank you for watching over all of us as you said you would. We love you and we miss you. We will never forget you. You are a part of us, forever.

And with that, keep on running Pittsburgh. Don't run for just you. Run for everyone you hold dear.

Sinceriously,

Chuck Hull, The Running Jedi.

I remember how ridiculous I looked,
and Bernie made sure to remind me.

Don't forget, if you'd like to donate to the Mario Lemieux Foundation you can do so by clicking here:

https://www.crowdrise.com/o/en/campaign/mario-lemieux-foundation-pittsburgh-marathon-2019/chuckhull

Prizes: If $2500 raised, a signed Pittsburgh Penguins Jersey (either 66, 87, 59, or 30), A Garmin Forerunner 35 GPS Watch, A MLF T-shirt and window decal, GOODR sunglasses, a Brooks running hate, and a Honey Stinger Prize Pack.